Counter Strike

Dear Boss

I am writing this email to keep you updated on the latest happenings in the company while you are on holiday.

Three days ago, something shocking occurred. A total of 171 (please ignore the finance department's email to you which incorrectly stated 102 as the staff there are always messing up with numbers and causing themselves to work overtime) factory workers went on an illegal strike.

As a result, production slowed down by a whopping twenty percent although we told the press that it was only five. But fret not as we managed to hire some temp staff by placing ads in the papers. And of course, we didn't state the company name in the ads.

According to those who had nothing much to do and were tasked to head down and talk to the workers, it said that wages was the main issue. All 171 workers hail from great grand China, the place where we have been constantly importing our staff from.

These China workers are fed up that they are not paid as much as their local and Malaysian counterpart although everyone does the same job and works hard. Reporters have been harassing us for the past few days and the issue has yet to be resolved.

Please advise.

Ang Kat Ball

Vice-President

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Dear Ang

This so-called shocking thing is just a mole out of a mountain.

Firstly, the China workers need to acknowledge that local and Malaysian employees are a par above them. Are they able to speak Singlish? Are they comfortable eating curry served at the company's canteen? Can they contribute to a more peaceful working environment?

I considered a lot of factors before giving the green light to hire China workers. Unlike locals, they are cheaper and there's a reason behind everything. Now, they dare come and demand for more?

Well, if that's the case. Then we should Review their salaries and increase it. Ever since the election last year, I have not witness any bravery in the country. We need brave people to move the company forward and for that we need to provide them market-competitive wages to retain them.

CEO

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Dear Boss

But our corporate communications manager has already informed the press that legal action will be taken against the workers as the law implies that one has to give 14 days’ notice before he or she can go on a strike.

Anyway, no action has been taken against the workers so far. We are still waiting for the China embassy's command and monitoring the comments on Chinese websites as we cannot afford to offend great grand China.

Ang Kat Ball

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Dear Ang

Where is your sense of judgement? How can we mention about that ridiculous 14-day law even though it does exist? A strike needs an approval? What if it's not approved? The law may be nonsense but the company doesn't have to be associated with such bullshit.

However, well done for not taking any action. We certainly cannot afford to lose these foreign talents. They are cheap and good although they make a lot of noise in the factory and refuse to eat the awesome mutton curry served at our canteen.

I will be coming back in two days' time. In the meantime, the best short-term solution would be do get three to four "leaders of the strike" to "get arrested" and "assist the police in investigations" while we await China side's reply. Remember to compensate them well when they are freed.

CEO

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Dear Boss

I noted your previous email.

Now, we have another problem to deal with. A research firm by the name of Mud Water has produced a 113-page report which claims that our company is financially unstable and on the brink of collapse.

Our stock price has plunged significantly since the mud-slinging started yesterday.

Ang Kat Ball

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Shit. I'll be back this evening. Help me arrange for a press conference, I am going to give that Block a piece of my mind.