H1N1 saga

H1N1 has become part and parcel of our daily lives. How about listing a few possible examples of them here? Remember to wear a mask while reading. All characters appearing in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional

Secondary school students

Jess: walau eh sian lah, bo extend holiday leh
Jerry: ya lor, cannot sleep until 1pm liao le
Jess: wah, you wake up so late everyday?
Jerry: of course, we must make full use of the holidays, bu shui bai bu shui
Jess: why can't our school just have one bloody first person who kena the virus? like that then school will close
Jerry: then you go be the first one lor
Jess: touch wood lah then you are the second one, I pass to you

NS boy and his family

Ring Ring...Ring Ring, someone picks up the phone
Qing Xiong: Mummy!
Mother: Yes son? Why you call me?
Qing Xiong: I think I can't go home this weekend
Mother: why son?
Qing Xiong: cos got someone, no I mean a few people got the H1N1 in my camp
Mother: huh? really ah? then I will miss you a lot my darling boy
Qing Xiong: I will miss you too mummy
Background voice: Private Tan! why are you using phone in your bunk when you are supposed to be in the parade square now?
Qing Xiong: Sorry sir, bye mummy
Sir: Knock it down 100 now!

In the office

Melvin: the other day the company bought those free thermometers for us, use for one day only then no need already
Danial: ya la, waste money only, no wonder we got no mid-year bonus this year
Nicholas: eh at least we don't need to fork out a single cent to buy them unlike schools
Melvin; oh yes speaking about schools, I gave mine to my son to use, like that can save money
Danial: what if the company need us to take again?
Melvin: then borrow back from my son lah
Nicholas: so unhygienic...
Melvin: won't lah, my whole family of four share the same thermometer, we are used to each other saliva already

Somewhere on earth in a living room

Zhi Teng: come on, come on, run run run
Nas: quickly score!
Zhi Teng: run faster!
Nas: score lah!
Commentator on TV: He turns around, takes a shot and the ball flies right at the goal with the keeper reaching out and...
News Anchor: breaking news on the H1N1 virus. Our nation has another xxx number of cases
Zhi Teng: !@#$%^&*
Nas: what the hell is this man? so accurate sia, once he shoots, this stupid thing comes out

A teacher and her student over the phone

Miss Lim: hello Raymond why didn't you come to school since yesterday and today?
Raymond: oh'cher, I'm quarantined
Miss Lim: I see, so you travelled to overseas last week?
Raymond: no never but I went to somewhere which is an affected area
Miss Lim: and the place is?
Raymond: aiyah yesterday when I pontang school I went to the LAN shop near my house then so suay one guy there got the stupid virus then the whole shop must close down and MOH say I must be quarantined
Miss Lim: what? you played truant?
Raymond: oh damn, I leaked out a secret, bye
Hanged up the phone...

Finally the impossible one

PM: I officially declare that all schools, offices, shops, public areas and anywhere else with people be closed down. The country will be declared with international MC for three months. During this period the government will provide money for your daily needs. In the meantime, just stay at home and have fun

Nick: ok I can finally practise my pool everyday
Wai Yuen: hmmm, I can go explore more about how to win lottery
Teck Cheong: this post is so lame

This post is dedicated to all my friends