How to act like a politician

How to act like a politician if you are not one? RealBlurPolitics® will share with you some tips and tricks this week

Basically, to act like a politician, there are 3 things which you need to take note of. Image, talking and behaviour. We shall use our country's leaders here in our nation as good examples you can learn from

Firstly, we will start with your image. First impression counts, you should have heard of this before right? As a politician, you cannot have conspicuous accessories or hairstyles let alone dressing. There are only two types of colors you can choose, black or white. If you are a female, you are entitled to dye your hair but not bright ones of course. This is the only thing which female politicians have an advantage over their male counterparts, other than that it is mostly males who are leaders of a country. Anyway, back to the hair colour. Politicians should have white hair instead of black. This is because people will suspect that they are not working hard enough to grow white tresses. We suggest that if you had really tried working hard but still covered with a head of thick and black hair, it is better to go dye some parts white but it will look unnatural like a couple of our leaders. Remember to gel your hair if possible, and use gel not wax. Gel gives a shining effect unlike wax which makes you look more respectable

Coats, jackets, tuxedos and whatever you call it. They are a must-have no matter how hot our country is. Going to parliament, meeting foreign leaders, attending important events, these are just some occasions where your dressing is crucial. We recommend black as the best colour like what our ministers normally wear although they come from a party that forces them to wear entirely white during National Day parades. One more thing, with the black shoes plus their white shirt and pants, they look totally like colour and fashion noobs

Secondly, we shall talk about talking. This will need lots of experience and fine technique to master. Look at those politicians in the parliament. It is always the younger ones who say the wrong things and the older ones who speak in a way that is impossible to counter him. One effective but unpractical way is to speak slowly and break up your sentences into phrases which is also known as think before you talk. A senior politician in our country uses this tactic for several decades till today which is also one of his trademarks. Think for 1.5 seconds, talk for 5 seconds. This would be a good ratio you should maintain. Thinking before you talk will allow you to analyse whether is it correct to speak about a certain topic thus not getting yourself into trouble. The bad thing about it is that people will get bored over waiting for your reply and feel uneasy listening to bits and pieces of your speech. Also, you should try doing this less frequently if you are below 60 or others will think you have an ageing brain in your head

Lastly, it is your behaviour. As a politician, you must gain respect and fear from people. Do not smile frequently. If you do that, you are most likely to be labelled as a crafty person who only wants to absorb money from the citizens. People will not respect you at all. A good example is one of our short ministers in parliament who leads one of the GRCs in the east side of our nation. He smiles too often and the expression on his face is extremely fake and artificial

To gain fear from people, you must be ruthless. We are not asking you to resort to violence but other ways which can really condemn a person. Suing the other party is a good way. If someone slanders you, sue him. Sue him until he has nothing to his name and no money in his pockets. It is either you or him alive, and you have to be selfish at this time even though you consider he has other responsibilities in life like his family. Make sure you sue him until it is almost impossible for him to make a comeback. And if he does make a comeback, it will be during his prime and before you know it, he is gone for good

Hope you learn something from this but do not try this at home without an adult's supervision