A Gangster's Diary

I have decided to continue with posts about gangs and secret societies since they are all the rage in the country now. I have written a short story which is a diary of a Singaporean gangster. It is more of a funny story than one which talks about the underworld.

It is rated PG so all ages are suitable to read it. The story is split into three parts. Today's post will feature the first of the three parts.

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Day 1

hello, my name is Kong or you can also call me ah kong. my real name is ng kong han. this year 25 year old. I am writing this diary because my English teacher ask me to. she is hired by our CEO to help improve our ang moh as we targetting ang moh market in America.

teacher ask us to all write something every day for 2 weeks as the first homework. she say no vulgarities but singlish is allow so long as we express ourself. i ask her is it need write very fast cos express means related to fast. she just LOL over there.

I am a finance manager of Ang Sua gang or also can call 27 as the code. Our company has several branches in Asia like Malaysia and Thailand. We got many business like loan money, casino operations, import and export goods etc.

my job is to lend money to people in need of it and go find them when they never return on time. My department now got 7 people under me plus another manager call ah zui. ah zui is my brother for many years and we together work in different department before

my zhar bor Tiffany (same age with me) now taking her master at dono NUS or NTU university, the one most west in singapore lah. She studying civil engineering. I dono what is it about also but confirm is good lah

Tiffany dono what I work as. I just told her finance manager since it's on my namecard. I dono if I will ever say the truth. Her ang moh and chinese both also very tok kong but she dono dialects

it is 5.10am now, I just reach home after working. I order mcdonald breakfast delivery so while waiting for the guy to come i am writing all these. that's all for today

Day 2

time now is 12.50am. just finish work and reach home. just now went to choa chu kang with ah zui to paint 2 house. one owe $2000, the other $20000. the one that owe 2000 makes us very pek cek. sibei waste of time over there

the house at 10 floor, the block got 2 lift, one on each side. the lift nearer to the house got urine inside, we go inside 2 seconds buay tahan liao. so we walk to the other side but then got 2 mata sitting there.

we hide behind a pillar and wait but they still over there. then a 3rd one come join them and they continue sit there. I told ah zui never mind, we just climb stair.

walau we climb until 6 floor already punchek. when we reach 10, we all wet liao. so quickly spray spray then runaway (down the stair again).

the other house just few block away. that one at 2nd floor so no problem. also spray spray then zao liao. i have been doing this very long already so got many experience.

nothing else to write. tmr i watching movie with Tiffany, she say it is a very nice ang moh show. Aiyah, whatever lah, so long as can park tor i happy liao

Day 3

me and Tiffany go to watch movie just now. boring like hell man. the movie 2 hours but i sit inside like 2 years. it's about 2 middle-aged woman talking and talking. the whole movie i only see them talking to each other, nothing else

watch such boring movie already very suay, then i forgot to switch my phone to silent. one of my colleague tua beng suddenly call me, then my phone ring in the cinema. malu sia

some more my ringtone is zi bah ban then when ring, the whole cinema can hear "na si wah wu zi bah ban". some head turn behind, some start to laugh. I almost want put my head into the popcorn box. Tiffany like no feeling, she still watching the movie as if never hear

writing this diary is fun and tiring cos i can write anything i like but need find dictionary very mafan.

Day 4

we have many office in singapore. actually total how many I also dono. i don even know who is the chairman of the company. is he Singaporean or not? i ask CEO but he always diam diam

today ah zui plan meeting for our department and another finance department also. Total got 16 people attend. got lots of tachi to talk about

we plan to meet at the usual place near esplanade but today got too many people there so we think better not meet there. i suggest go take singapore flyer, all of them agree because inside there nobody can hear us also

so 16 of us talk and talk inside the cabin. then when we finish the ride, we realize still not enough so take 2nd time. then 2nd time still not enough so take 3rd time

then add up our total bill is $1416. heck care lah, claim from company can liao.

today i ask ah zui what he wrote in his diary and he show me his. alamak, so few words only sia. compare with mine no fight lah. later we having 2nd english lesson with other managers of our company

i today then know that teacher is call charlotte lee and she is CEO's niece. she is a primary school English teacher but also a part-time staff in Ang Sua gang. we all got shock when she say this and show us her staff card as prove.

i still don't how to pronounce her name. all of us keep on say "zhar loti"

lucky miss charlotte is quite pretty so our 2 hour lesson not that boring. she say my english still got a lot of room for improvement. I tell her room not enough, need a bungalow of improvement

i so lame

Day 5

Firstly, I need to write with capital letters at the start of a sentence. "I" should also be in capital letter. I need to use fullstop also.

Some words I use can be change to other words to make the sentence look nicer. I agree with Miss Charlotte and promise I will work hard.

I called Ah Lian from HR department today. Ah Lian is in charge of recruitment and scouting. Many of our hia di were discovered by her. I told her about one secondary school boy I met last night.

He want to smoke under my block but his lighter no more spark. I was walking pass so I lend him mine and chat with him. He said he from number 11 in Sembawang but want to jump ship.. He gave me his number so I passed it to Ah Lian to contact.

The Vice President of import and export department called Ah Zui and me to follow him tomorrow morning go JB. His staff kena mass food poisoning from eating satay.

That's all. Off to bed now, need to wake up early the next day.